Monday, January 19, 2009

From the Latin, sarcasmus

Tomorrow is the inauguration of Barack Obama as The United States of America’s 44th President. Don’t feel bad if you didn’t know that, the whole deal hasn’t gotten a lot of publicity. The poor guy is taking office tomorrow, swearing on a Bible to uphold the constitution and it’s like no one has even noticed.

The press, usually so gung-ho to find a story and beat it to death, hasn’t muttered a single word about the day. I’ve yet to see a single commemorative item to mark the occasion. It’s like the election back in November never even happened.

It’s kind of sad really. Here this guy ran such a great campaign and won the presidency and now that’s he’s on the cusp of taking over, he’s being completely ignored. If only there were some kind of historical precedence being set here! If only Obama was the first left-handed president, or the first president from Illinois, but alas, Obama is as plain as unbuttered toast. Absolutely nothing sets him apart from all the others who have held the position.

And Obama’s constituents are the very definition of apathetic. He could wear bells all over his suit tomorrow and walk out there blowing a shrill whistle and I doubt anyone would take notice. It’s like the guy is invisible.

What’s worse is that we know nothing of what he’s been up to since the election. For all we know he could have been building a giant replica of himself using an old Lego set or catching flies with chopsticks. No one has said a word about what he’s been up to!

At least the guy doesn’t have any expectations following him into the job. I mean, he could take a four-year nap and no one would really notice. The country is in the best shape it’s ever been in and things are so good that no matter what he does things will be okay.

I just feel bad for the guy. Would it really kill us to come together and show the guy some love? Would it kill the great and powerful celebrities of our nation to make a fuss over him and help the guy out with a little self-esteem boost? Would it kill the newspapers, magazines and television shows to give the guy some props?

I, for one, happen to think that the inauguration of a new President is a big deal and would like to see just a bit of coverage. I wish they could find just one unique thing about him to help make the occasion a little more special. I wish people would just pay a little attention to what’s going on!

Sadly, I just don’t think we have it in us. We’re so broken up about the departure of President Bush that we’ve hardly even noticed the new guy. We’re so content with the pure awesomeness of the state of our union that we can’t find it in ourselves to get worked up over a change in leadership. Our economy is so stable; our foreign relations so tight, our domestic safety so complete that its hard to have much emotion regarding a new guy because there really isn’t anything for him to do.

Well, the mainstream press may not cover the inauguration and you’ll probably go the entire day without someone mentioning it to you, but as always, you can count on me to be here, ready to point the way to events you should be keeping your eyes on. So, take a moment tomorrow and enjoy the swearing in of our next President. Find something about the occasion worth getting excited about—even if you have to completely manufacture it. These things only happen every four years, so enjoy it while you can.
Here’s to inauguration day and to President Elect Barack Obama. You may be completely uninteresting and not newsworthy in any way, you may lack any kind of remarkability at all sir, but I am standing up and taking notice of the fact that you become President tomorrow, even if I, like the cheese, stand alone.


Anonymous said...

True true ... every one of our Presidents thus far has had a Caucasian mother. What's the big deal?

Anonymous said...

If only he was something special or had some unique characteristic about him--he would have a bit more coverage.

Wait, how about if he left hundred of thousands of people stranded in a city under water b/c the army corps of engineers failed to do their job, oh ever? What if he called one of his cronies Brownie and said even until his last day that he did a damn good job at evacuating 40K people? Yes--then he'd get a slight bit of coverage.

If only he were as great as Former Pres ShitFace.