Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Application for Serial Killer Murder Victim

Application for Serial Killer Murder Victim

Name: Christina Raines
Age: 23
Marital Status: Engaged to be married
Children: 2
Are your children available for murder as well: yes

Preferred Serial Killer: Drew Peterson
&nb sp;
Qualifications: (please list)

I.Q. of 0
Willingness to sleep with and marry killer
Desperate need to be famous
Complete lack of welfare for my children
Likes “bad boys”
Willing to alienate parents, family and friends
Abi lity to look at naked creepy old guys without gagging
Enjoys long hot baths in ankle deep water
Dependably unreliable, including going missing for long periods of time

Please explain why you should be selected: I’m like totally hot and young and dumber than a box of retarded hair, so I think I’d make the perfect wife and future victim for Mr. Peterson. I’ll do as I’m told at first until the media attention subsides, at which time I’ll start acting up so Mr. Peterson can take a few swats at me before losing all patience and killing me in some totally cool and gruesome way like they do on C.S.I. which is like my favorite show in the whole world. I have kids, which I realize might crimp Mr. Peterson’s style a little bit, but as an added bonus, when he kills me, he could totally bring his number of victims up by 3 instead of just one when he gets tired of me!

In closing, I think I’d make the perfect bride/victim for Mr. Peterson and willing to do anything to prove it!

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