Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Paris for President!!!

This could very well be a sign of impending doom. The apocalypse could be swinging a bat in the on deck circle. Armageddon could be tuning up for the big concert, but I must take my chances and do something that I never fathomed I was even capable of doing—I have to tip my hat to Paris Hilton.

I had to pause for a moment there to wait for any stray lightning bolts that may have been ticketed for me, but since I’m still here and functioning, I shall continue.

Yes, I have ridiculed Paris Hilton frequently in the past. Whenever I need a butt for a joke, she comes almost immediately to mind. I’ve dubbed her as one of the Four Whores of the Apocalypse and told anyone who will listen that she is one of the harbingers of doom. That noted, even brainless twit with no apparent redeeming qualities as a member of the human race can sometimes surprise and in this case, one has done exactly that.

I’m speaking, of course, of Paris Hilton’s side-splittingly funny, politically intelligent, and outright ass-whooping reply to John McCain’s use of her in a campaign commercial that compared her to Barrack Obama—just a celebrity.

Now this isn’t a forum for debating politics or the upcoming election—at least not yet, not today. This has nothing to do with my opinion of McCain or Obama. This is just a quick “you go girl!” sent out in the general direction of Paris Hilton for not taking the shit of someone messing with her.

I would imagine that if more than 4 people read this little blog that I too might incur her highly intellectual wrath, but that’s not the case, so the point it moot. John McCain is a target and he made the mistake of crossing Paris on a particularly ornery day (if you’re reading Paris, ornery is not the same as horny).

I can say with reasonable certainly that Paris not only couldn’t spell bi-partisan, but she likely doesn’t know what it is, but someone with some level of sharpness to them wrote an amazing and biting bi-partisan solution to the energy crisis as part of her retort to McCain.

"Well, why don't we do a hybrid of both candidates' ideas?" she says. "We can do limited offshore drilling -- with strict environmental oversight -- while creating tax incentives to get Detroit making hybrid and electric cars. That way, the offshore drilling carries us until the new technologies kick in which will then create new jobs and energy independence. Energy crisis solved!"

I loved it! If the worlds greatest symbol of bimbocity can see that compromise is the key to progress, why is it that our politicians can’t?

She didn’t take sides. In fact, she started off by ripping both candidates a little, proceeded to make the assumption that she was now a candidate for the presidency, laid out the plan for energy, chose a potential running mate in Rihanna and apologized in advance for her undeniable need to paint the White House pink after she takes over.

Score! Paris Hilton: 1 Obama & McCain: 0

Now THAT is hot!

Not done yet, she goes on to say, "I'll see you at the debates, bitches." I was almost in tears by this point!

Look, it must be nice to be able to afford a personal writer for whenever someone slams you. As much as I’d like to jump on the Paris for President bandwagon, I personally don’t think she understood half of the script she was reading from in her video message.

The part about this that I really love is that Paris Hilton, who I’m also sure is, in part, a caricature of herself, in her own sweet little valley girl way, has taken center stage for her reaction and importantly, for pointing out how simple solutions sometimes can be.

I know that I find her energy solution a great deal more palatable than either of the two actual candidates—dictated to them from the political parties, by whom they are controlled. But the candidates aren’t concerned with solutions, they are concerned with being right and the stubbornness that involves isn’t conducive to progress.

So, perhaps I should change my stand on celebrities who get involved in politics. Perhaps I was being stubborn in the name of being right. Perhaps I should jump on the bandwagon afterall.

Paris Hilton for President bitches! People say that it couldn’t get any worse than it is with George W. Bush—I say, let’s roll the dice and find out! She doesn’t seem to want to be, “the decider.” She just wants to make things right.

For all their bluster, I’m not sure the same is true of our candidates. Screw it, I’m voting for Hilton and applying for Canadian citizenship as a backup!

You've gotta have a plan, right?


Anonymous said...

That was generous of you. I am sure she didn't understand 3/4 of it!

Anonymous said...

NO way, Dude! You can't start liking Canada now!!!

Paris *loves* America and so do you.


Lamb said...

PS. I loved the Will Ferrell. Just your thing!


Amanda said...

Now if only she'd give us a taste of her immigration policy...

sasha said...

I hear Canadians are Hot!!!

Anonymous said...

dont you go switching over to the dark side!!