Tip Off

Once again, I have decided to unleash myself upon the unsuspecting masses on the internet. I've decided that the various nooks and crannies of the internet where I have been hiding are too small to contain me and so here I am, and I have to say, I'm looking forward to writing here, under my own name for anyone to read.

A bit about myself is probably in order and so I'll tell you that I'm 32 going on 12, I'm obsessed with all things Star Wars, I live and die (mostly die) with the outcome of the daily Cubs game, unless it isn't baseball season in which case I'm content to live or die with the Bears, Notre Dame football and Duke basketball. Before you ask, I don't recognize pro basketball as an actual sport or I'd live and die with the Bulls too. As it is, pro basketball died the day Michael Jordan flicked his wrist on a beautiful follow through to the shot that beat the Utah Jazz in the finals in 1998.

I'm an avid reader and am always in the middle of a book. I go out of my way to read things that won't impress people because I hate people who read impressive books. Mostly because they usually do so to make witty comments about the impressive books they have read which in turn makes me want to find out exactly how far I can put my size 11.5 foot up their ass.

Of course it would vary from person to person, but I'm willing to do my part in the name of science. If you're lucky, I'll publish my research on the matter here someday.

I enjoy good wine, beer and cigars but not necessarily in that order and very rarely all at once, but only because mixing beer and wine is a bad idea. This, I learned in my last scientific experiment which I called The Great Wiersperiment, but in retrospect turned out to not be so great after all. Many bottles of Harp and various bottles of Merlot were sacrificed in the name of science, although some have accused me of blatant alcohol abuse.

My main ambition in life is to win the Mega Millions lottery, buy a tropical island full of beautiful native women who can easily be convinced that I'm some sort of king, worry about nothing other than an occasional rainy day which may interrupt my satellite feed, and perfect the art of laziness.

What follows will be, at times, witty, sarcastic, cynical and hopefully will make you laugh, cry and once in a great while, even cause you to dance naked while howling at the moon.

I hope you enjoy and look forward to writing here. As Dylan Thomas so eloquently wrote:

“I hold a beast, an angel and a madman in me, and my enquiry is as to their working, and my problem is their subjugation and victory, downthrow and upheaval, and my effort is their self-expression.”